Mom Wars....we all know what they are. It's not being able to go anywhere or read anything without feeling or being told you're doing it all wrong!!
It's so exhausting.....as a new mother it makes you want to hit something, or cry, or if you're like me you accidentally take it out on the wrong people
It all started like this: KG was nervous when we first moved to a new area. She's shy, didn't know how to approach new kids & wanted to make new friends. We were on the way to Publix when I was giving her tips on talking to new kids. As we strolled down the baby aisle, I noticed a nice looking lady around my age wearing her daughter in a really cool wrap. I stopped introduced myself & asked her all about said wrap. Somehow we started talking all about baby stuff & she asked me if I had ever heard of Baby Led Weaning. For those of you who aren't familiar with it it's a British term for introducing solids to babies & forgoing puréed food. She told me about a wonderful support group on Facebook & to give it a try, so I did.
At first it was such a wonderful support group, so much encouragement, advice, tips, etc. Then came all the mommy wars that flood my newsfeed. It's not just this group, it's everywhere. It's at church, school, playgrounds, friends, everywhere.
Conversations usually go like this: my child only eats organic, it's not good for babies to eat puréed food, children need to explore, don't listen to your healthcare provider on ANYTHING only you know your child, you should have nursed longer, formula is subpar & I would never give my child something not naturally made, cows milk? Haven't you read on so & so's blog where cows milk isn't fit for human consumption. My child will only drink soy/almond milk...yah yah yah....blah blah blah
SHUT UP
Before I get my friends upset let me explain. I really don't care if any mom chooses to make those decisions for their child. I'm not judging you, I promise. And truthfully none of my close friends have ever said these things to me. It's really been in passing from others or articles or blogs or anywhere I look when I'm trying to learn how to be a mother. I mean, I'm not perfect I have to google stuff sometimes :). I'm just tired of the mommy wars.
None of us really have it together, so stop faking it. I let my son eat off the floor occasionally at home because guess what, my floors get cleaned daily & I'm not following behind every footstep with a broom..I don't have time for that
My laundry is never complete.....ever! I can't honestly tell you when it will be, and I'm not worried. SomedaysI let Coleman go half the day with his PJs on or just a diaper & he loves it :). I nursed him to 6 months, not because I wanted to stop because I didn't, it just didn't work out the way I planned. He's never been sick except a small cold that lasted a couple days once in his entire first year. I'm very blessed. Before I had him I was so convinced that if he was EBF for the first 12 months he was going to be sick constantly, thank goodness that's not the case
I've never fed him organic anything, not because I'm against it, I just haven't. He eats what I eat & he's healthy. He hit every milestone ahead of schedule. I say that not to brag but to point out you can do everything " wrong" according to the latest trends & your child still land on top
Can we please stop doing this to each other. Stop subtly judging & condemning because another mom chose to do it differently. Stop competing with each other with whose kid is best or has the best stuff
We're all moms, we've all struggled, are struggling, will struggle. We've all taken a few extra minutes in the shower to just cry because that's the only place to let out our frustration. We've all completely messed up & immediately prayed that whatever just happened didn't permanently scar your child, we've all let our babies cry a little too long, or we've yelled one too many times
But we've also loved our babies more than anyone and we've also seen the joy in their face when we walk into the room. We've seen them completely melt in need of our presence and we've all felt like no matter what bumps we've encountered that at the end of the day were still the worlds best mom to them
So please stop the mommy wars...we're all fighting just to stay on top of our own position lets not tear anyone else down for theirs
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Thursday, December 5, 2013
This one goes out to all my ladies... I try to only post when I have something I feel is important enough to write about. I need all the wifey's out there to tune into this one...I'm speaking to you, and to me too! Don't worry, I'm not about to dish out advice that I don't have to people who have been married much longer than I have been. I am however going to bring about a verse that was placed upon my heart this morning in MOPS that hit me pretty hard as I'm sure it will you too.
Proverbs 14:1 "A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands"
What does this even mean?
It means that we, women, have become so consumed with doing things our way that we've missed everything God has in store for us. Let me say that again. We have been so consumed with doing everything our way, that we've missed God completely.
What??
I love others
I go to church every Sunday
I pray daily
I'm a committed wife
I love my kids and put them first (we'll get to that in another post)
I, I, I, I......
I don't know a lot about marriage, I'm learning as I go. I do know this, though. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Harder than pregnancy, harder than 20 hours of labor, harder than nursing school (yeah a few of you will get that one :) ) It's the hardest thing I've ever set out to do.
I remember when I was engaged and my BIG day wasn't too far away. My mother and I were driving in the car and she told me. "Leslie, I'm going to tell you something about marriage. It's the hardest thing you'll ever do, but the best decision you'll ever make. You're going to have highs & lows, but you're also going to have commitment, love, and security. You're going to come to a point in your marriage, not sure when, but you're going to question if you made the right decision....
whoa....what??
I thought she was crazy, but she was right. Haven't we all been there? Questioned our decisions. Not Is this person the one for me? but if I'm doing everything I can why are we having rough patches? What am I doing wrong? Why isn't he just seeing my side. Why is he so hard to deal with?
why, why, why, me, me, me, I, I I....
Are we seeing a pattern here? I sure am. When I took all the "I's" out and replaced it with God's word, God revealed Himself to me, and it wasn't pretty. He showed me how selfish I was, how bitter, critical, judgmental, and completely disconnected with Him I was. Talk about a slap in the face. No wonder I wasn't at peace. No wonder everyone around me was unhappy. I was the reason. I completely consumed myself with myself and not God's word. I was tearing down my own home and not building it up.
Wives: we have a beautiful, special, and delicate role to fulfill. God calls us to lift up, respect, and submit to our husbands. Why is that so hard? It's so hard because we have a Godless world shouting at us every time we turn around that we are women, powerful, self-righteous, and most of all, independent. That's wonderful, but where does that leave your husband? What message does that send him? Is he insignificant? What role does he play in your life if he's not the leader of your home? I know this is a hard pill to swallow, trust me. I told Justin countless times before we married "If you expect me to be that wife that cooks every meal for you, picks up after you, washes your clothes, and is your maid, then this isn't going to work out. I am not a 1950s wife, and will not conform"
Is that what we've twisted the word "submission" into? Have we become so far removed from what God calls us to do that we demean it down to a few chores? I'm learning that submitting means, actually submitting to God, to His word, to His love, and to His authority. Why? because He has proven time and time again that He never falters, never changes, and is always there.
I am a working progress for sure.....but I refuse to continue being the reason my home is being torn down. I will build my home up, according to God's word. I will not disrespect my husband or my children with my actions, and words. I will love him unconditionally, not matter what. Why? because GOD first loved me. Isn't that the whole point of marriage anyway? To be a reflection of God's love?
Proverbs 14:1 "A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands"
What does this even mean?
It means that we, women, have become so consumed with doing things our way that we've missed everything God has in store for us. Let me say that again. We have been so consumed with doing everything our way, that we've missed God completely.
What??
I love others
I go to church every Sunday
I pray daily
I'm a committed wife
I love my kids and put them first (we'll get to that in another post)
I, I, I, I......
I don't know a lot about marriage, I'm learning as I go. I do know this, though. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Harder than pregnancy, harder than 20 hours of labor, harder than nursing school (yeah a few of you will get that one :) ) It's the hardest thing I've ever set out to do.
I remember when I was engaged and my BIG day wasn't too far away. My mother and I were driving in the car and she told me. "Leslie, I'm going to tell you something about marriage. It's the hardest thing you'll ever do, but the best decision you'll ever make. You're going to have highs & lows, but you're also going to have commitment, love, and security. You're going to come to a point in your marriage, not sure when, but you're going to question if you made the right decision....
whoa....what??
I thought she was crazy, but she was right. Haven't we all been there? Questioned our decisions. Not Is this person the one for me? but if I'm doing everything I can why are we having rough patches? What am I doing wrong? Why isn't he just seeing my side. Why is he so hard to deal with?
why, why, why, me, me, me, I, I I....
Are we seeing a pattern here? I sure am. When I took all the "I's" out and replaced it with God's word, God revealed Himself to me, and it wasn't pretty. He showed me how selfish I was, how bitter, critical, judgmental, and completely disconnected with Him I was. Talk about a slap in the face. No wonder I wasn't at peace. No wonder everyone around me was unhappy. I was the reason. I completely consumed myself with myself and not God's word. I was tearing down my own home and not building it up.
Wives: we have a beautiful, special, and delicate role to fulfill. God calls us to lift up, respect, and submit to our husbands. Why is that so hard? It's so hard because we have a Godless world shouting at us every time we turn around that we are women, powerful, self-righteous, and most of all, independent. That's wonderful, but where does that leave your husband? What message does that send him? Is he insignificant? What role does he play in your life if he's not the leader of your home? I know this is a hard pill to swallow, trust me. I told Justin countless times before we married "If you expect me to be that wife that cooks every meal for you, picks up after you, washes your clothes, and is your maid, then this isn't going to work out. I am not a 1950s wife, and will not conform"
Is that what we've twisted the word "submission" into? Have we become so far removed from what God calls us to do that we demean it down to a few chores? I'm learning that submitting means, actually submitting to God, to His word, to His love, and to His authority. Why? because He has proven time and time again that He never falters, never changes, and is always there.
I am a working progress for sure.....but I refuse to continue being the reason my home is being torn down. I will build my home up, according to God's word. I will not disrespect my husband or my children with my actions, and words. I will love him unconditionally, not matter what. Why? because GOD first loved me. Isn't that the whole point of marriage anyway? To be a reflection of God's love?
Monday, October 7, 2013
The beautiful life as a mother....
It's been quite sometime since I've last written a blog. You just learned my worst character flaw.....I'm not in a hurry....for anything! This really irritates my husband, but who wants to be stressed out all the time by time limits? No, I get to where I need to be on time, but every where else is a toss up.
A LOT has happened since I started this blog. My husband and I welcomed a beautiful, vibrant, sweet, handsome baby boy into this world. He has changed our lives in ways I never knew he counld. He has made us all happy happy happy :) KG, the big sis, is the best sister he could have asked for. I've prayed hard for them to have a thriving, loving, and positive relationship and God has certainly not failed this family. Also, my In-Laws gave their life to Christ on Easter and were baptized soon after. This has changed them and our whole family in ways you can't describe. You can't argue to power of God with me. I've seen His work, and I've felt his presence. My husband was promoted in his company & we packed up our family and moved to another state. This was a very hard move for us because we were lucky enough to have my husband's parents right up the road, but that has changed since we had to move. Starting all over in a new state, without family, and 2 small children is rough. It's rough physically, mentally, and spiritually. It's rough on your marriage, and rough on your relationship with your children because you're constantly stressed out ALL THE TIME! Since my husband's new job had him working 7 days a week/12 hr days that left little 'ole me to find a house, buy a house, find a school for KG, pack up our old home, stay up all night while the movers finish unloading the truck.....at 1am.....with an infant in tow who wouldn't sleep...all within a month. Yes, you read that correctly, all within a month! Whew, I'm tired just thinking about it, I really don't remember it, it was too taxing, but we made it!
This brings me to my topic "What is a Mom?" We've all had a mom, have a mom, or have someone who is filling/filled that role in our lives. This is a role I had no idea would rock me like it has. It's just one of those things you can never put into words until you're there. You forever change, and even though there is nothing in this world that could ever make me wish I weren't a mother, the vulnerability that comes along with it is so heavy at times I wonder if I'll make it another day. You know that feeling, the thoughts like "Did I forget my child?"( we've all had that thought, I know I'm not the only one) those rare moments you get to leave the house alone and you stop every 2 seconds in a frantic because you are alone...without a child.....and you think, for a second, you left him. Then I have thoughts like this: Did I breastfeed long enough? Am I being judged because I didn't breastfeed long enough. Should I make his own food or buy it from the store? Am I reading enough to him? Am I helping him achieve every developmental milestone? Did I hug & kiss him enough today? For heaven's sake did I pick him up and console him quick enough before he feels neglected? Then you have those awful awful thoughts that NO ONE prepares you for (thanks by the way) : "Will someone steal him away from me?" Will someone try to hurt him? Will I live to see him accomplish everything in life? Will I be a wonderful mom for him? Will I teach him how to respect me, how to respect himself, and his future wife? Then comes the worst thought, the thought no one talks about...I think "What if God needs him back before he needs me?" I can't....I just can't say the words. Being a mom hits you to the core, it leaves a wound so deep and raw that you can never, and will never be the same person again. It's wonderful, and scary, and heartbreaking, and terrifying, uplifting, emotional journey.
But I'm also a Stepmom...what does that even mean? I've had people tell me "it's not the same...she's not your real child" "You'll feel differently about your own children" Or when I would talk about her like a mother would, I would get the looks like "You have no idea what it's like to be a real mom" Obviously before I had my son...when I became a "real" mom. This frustrated me beyond words. I mean, who are they to tell me what I feel in my heart? I'm not going to get on that soap box. I will say this....they were right. I do love her differently, not more or less, just differently. It's a beautiful love though. I find myself striving even harder with her, setting my expectations for myself higher with her, and in the end it has developed a bond that is strong, unbreakable, and undeniable.
If you are a step-parent, or your spouse is one please take this gift seriously. God chose YOU to be in that child(ren)'s life for a reason. I have often questioned my purpose in KG's life, questioned if I was enough for her, am I too hard on her, am I too lax on certain things, am I showing her my love enough? Does she feel I am the reason her birth mother isn't around...does she blame me for that? Does she feel complete without her mother here....I worry about those things, maybe too much, but that's me. I didn't hit me until tonight at bedtime, as I lay next to her as she says her evening prayers that if I were her birth mom, how would I want my child treated by another woman? I've never looked at it from that angle. That led me to the thought of "What happens if I'm called to heaven when my son is still small and needs a mother? What kind of mom would I want him to have?" It broke my heart to think that he was hurting inside because he so desperately needed a mom, and wouldn't have it. That moment I knew God was speaking to me, telling me exactly what my role is suppose to be. I know this is a question that burns her mother's heart everyday. This gives me so much power and love to strive that much harder to love her and be the mom she needs, just as I pray my son will get if I'm taken away from him. I know this is a heavy topic and not all my entries will be so, but this has been laid upon my heart and I'm hoping this reaches another person who may need to hear these words, as I needed to hear them.
Give God all your heart, mind, and soul...He came to give you life, and life more abundantly!
A LOT has happened since I started this blog. My husband and I welcomed a beautiful, vibrant, sweet, handsome baby boy into this world. He has changed our lives in ways I never knew he counld. He has made us all happy happy happy :) KG, the big sis, is the best sister he could have asked for. I've prayed hard for them to have a thriving, loving, and positive relationship and God has certainly not failed this family. Also, my In-Laws gave their life to Christ on Easter and were baptized soon after. This has changed them and our whole family in ways you can't describe. You can't argue to power of God with me. I've seen His work, and I've felt his presence. My husband was promoted in his company & we packed up our family and moved to another state. This was a very hard move for us because we were lucky enough to have my husband's parents right up the road, but that has changed since we had to move. Starting all over in a new state, without family, and 2 small children is rough. It's rough physically, mentally, and spiritually. It's rough on your marriage, and rough on your relationship with your children because you're constantly stressed out ALL THE TIME! Since my husband's new job had him working 7 days a week/12 hr days that left little 'ole me to find a house, buy a house, find a school for KG, pack up our old home, stay up all night while the movers finish unloading the truck.....at 1am.....with an infant in tow who wouldn't sleep...all within a month. Yes, you read that correctly, all within a month! Whew, I'm tired just thinking about it, I really don't remember it, it was too taxing, but we made it!
This brings me to my topic "What is a Mom?" We've all had a mom, have a mom, or have someone who is filling/filled that role in our lives. This is a role I had no idea would rock me like it has. It's just one of those things you can never put into words until you're there. You forever change, and even though there is nothing in this world that could ever make me wish I weren't a mother, the vulnerability that comes along with it is so heavy at times I wonder if I'll make it another day. You know that feeling, the thoughts like "Did I forget my child?"( we've all had that thought, I know I'm not the only one) those rare moments you get to leave the house alone and you stop every 2 seconds in a frantic because you are alone...without a child.....and you think, for a second, you left him. Then I have thoughts like this: Did I breastfeed long enough? Am I being judged because I didn't breastfeed long enough. Should I make his own food or buy it from the store? Am I reading enough to him? Am I helping him achieve every developmental milestone? Did I hug & kiss him enough today? For heaven's sake did I pick him up and console him quick enough before he feels neglected? Then you have those awful awful thoughts that NO ONE prepares you for (thanks by the way) : "Will someone steal him away from me?" Will someone try to hurt him? Will I live to see him accomplish everything in life? Will I be a wonderful mom for him? Will I teach him how to respect me, how to respect himself, and his future wife? Then comes the worst thought, the thought no one talks about...I think "What if God needs him back before he needs me?" I can't....I just can't say the words. Being a mom hits you to the core, it leaves a wound so deep and raw that you can never, and will never be the same person again. It's wonderful, and scary, and heartbreaking, and terrifying, uplifting, emotional journey.
But I'm also a Stepmom...what does that even mean? I've had people tell me "it's not the same...she's not your real child" "You'll feel differently about your own children" Or when I would talk about her like a mother would, I would get the looks like "You have no idea what it's like to be a real mom" Obviously before I had my son...when I became a "real" mom. This frustrated me beyond words. I mean, who are they to tell me what I feel in my heart? I'm not going to get on that soap box. I will say this....they were right. I do love her differently, not more or less, just differently. It's a beautiful love though. I find myself striving even harder with her, setting my expectations for myself higher with her, and in the end it has developed a bond that is strong, unbreakable, and undeniable.
If you are a step-parent, or your spouse is one please take this gift seriously. God chose YOU to be in that child(ren)'s life for a reason. I have often questioned my purpose in KG's life, questioned if I was enough for her, am I too hard on her, am I too lax on certain things, am I showing her my love enough? Does she feel I am the reason her birth mother isn't around...does she blame me for that? Does she feel complete without her mother here....I worry about those things, maybe too much, but that's me. I didn't hit me until tonight at bedtime, as I lay next to her as she says her evening prayers that if I were her birth mom, how would I want my child treated by another woman? I've never looked at it from that angle. That led me to the thought of "What happens if I'm called to heaven when my son is still small and needs a mother? What kind of mom would I want him to have?" It broke my heart to think that he was hurting inside because he so desperately needed a mom, and wouldn't have it. That moment I knew God was speaking to me, telling me exactly what my role is suppose to be. I know this is a question that burns her mother's heart everyday. This gives me so much power and love to strive that much harder to love her and be the mom she needs, just as I pray my son will get if I'm taken away from him. I know this is a heavy topic and not all my entries will be so, but this has been laid upon my heart and I'm hoping this reaches another person who may need to hear these words, as I needed to hear them.
Give God all your heart, mind, and soul...He came to give you life, and life more abundantly!
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
In The Beginning....
Let me first start out by saying I am not a writer nor a comedian, so this blog will probably not be filled with beautifully written paragraphs and I'll never try to be funnier than I actually am, BUT I do happen to always find myself in situations that have me say "This could ONLY have happened to me."
I recently married my best friend (awww, I know you all said it in your puppy dog voice) and he is the love of my life. I really could not have asked for a better husband and am so thankful I have him in my life. He has a wonderful 6 year old daughter that we raise together so not only am I learning how to be June Cleaver, but I'm learning how to be Annie Camden (you know the mom from 7th Heaven who raised 9 kids all while having the house clean by 5 everyday with dinner cooked, oh and fixed everything around the house) yea..you can call me Wonder Woman from here on out!
So Justin and I dated for a little while before we tied the knot and we did things the "old fashioned" way. We did not live together until we were married, which is almost unheard of these days, so life is going to get pretty interesting for us throughout this journey :) The past 2 weeks have been a lot of fun, and definitely compromising, but nothing we can't work through. For instance I haven't quite figured out why everytime I turn on my TV now it's ALWAYS set to ESPN..hmmm, I don't really remember buying "sports only" package from my cable provider but I will have to check in on that, although if you ask him he will say it's always set to LMN :)
I don't have an actual entry today, this is just my introduction note. I can't promise I will have something everyday, but I'm sure it'll be quite often, hope you have fun and get a few good laughs at my expense :)
I recently married my best friend (awww, I know you all said it in your puppy dog voice) and he is the love of my life. I really could not have asked for a better husband and am so thankful I have him in my life. He has a wonderful 6 year old daughter that we raise together so not only am I learning how to be June Cleaver, but I'm learning how to be Annie Camden (you know the mom from 7th Heaven who raised 9 kids all while having the house clean by 5 everyday with dinner cooked, oh and fixed everything around the house) yea..you can call me Wonder Woman from here on out!
So Justin and I dated for a little while before we tied the knot and we did things the "old fashioned" way. We did not live together until we were married, which is almost unheard of these days, so life is going to get pretty interesting for us throughout this journey :) The past 2 weeks have been a lot of fun, and definitely compromising, but nothing we can't work through. For instance I haven't quite figured out why everytime I turn on my TV now it's ALWAYS set to ESPN..hmmm, I don't really remember buying "sports only" package from my cable provider but I will have to check in on that, although if you ask him he will say it's always set to LMN :)
I don't have an actual entry today, this is just my introduction note. I can't promise I will have something everyday, but I'm sure it'll be quite often, hope you have fun and get a few good laughs at my expense :)
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